you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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