Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize