i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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