It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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