Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
