so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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