So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
