Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
