I think i sorta joined a cult last night
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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