he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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