i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
