Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
