cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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