Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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