She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
