I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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