I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
