I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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