1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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