i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
