I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
