just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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