I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
