dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
