im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
