in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
