I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
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I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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