420 ftw
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
