ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We got so high we made milksteak
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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