Are we in a gay sports bar?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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