Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
