he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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