ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
