I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
