apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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