Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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