1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Sober January is a disaster.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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