Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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