When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is classic penis vs brain.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
