They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk is not a location!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
