I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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