she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
