The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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