do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
love makes seman taste better
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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