Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
