Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Is it because I queefed?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
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She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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