bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
