I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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