were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize