I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my being single is dangerous.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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