getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
