he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
