Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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