Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
