Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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