were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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