You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
