So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
