I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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