I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
