Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
