I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
