there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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