The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
