enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
