I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
