when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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