and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
