he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
