Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
